link to this article:http://sg.news.yahoo.com/rtrs/20100224/tsp-entertainment-us-cole-e7f0a65.html
Tiger Woods, John Terry and Ashley Cole. These three names may be familiar to you, even though you may not actually be a sports fan. These three famous sports personalities have been found to be cheating on their spouses by having affairs with other women. Unlike the first two, Ashley Cole is not as lucky. His wife, Chery Cole, has announced her decision to separate from him due to his long history of infidelity.
Ashley has not been playing the role of a 'good person' at all in the marriage. He has been cheating his wife constantly by having affairs with many women repeatedly. By doing so, he has not been performing his role as a faithful husband. Deception, actions that will undermine trust and norm violations are some of the reasons on why a relationship can collapse. In order to maintain a relationship, one needs to be extremely frank by letting the other person know information that is confidential. Moreover, there is a need for trust and commitment. By having multiple affairs, Ashley has no fulfilled the above two criteria. Hence this marriage has to end.
It has also been reported in the news that his wife has been enjoying an extremely happy friendship with another man. Cheryl, being really attractive and affluent due to her status of being a pop star, has no difficulties in finding another man that can be as good in status as Ashley, which is why I believe she may be able to let the marriage go easily.
On the other hand, I believe not everyone can be as decisive as Cheryl to let the marriage go. There are many people who go for a relationship so that they can benefit each other in areas that they are lacking. For instance, a poor woman may go for a rich man just that she can improve her status in society. Hence, the woman may not give up her relationship because she will lose out everything in the end.
Quite some time ago, I was browsing a local internet forum when I found this interesting thread. A woman claimed that she knows that her husband is not faithful but he has been extremely frank to her. Her husband claims to be unable to suppress his sexual urges and visits prostitutes frequently. However, she claims that he is very honest about it and understands that these prostitution visits are just 'flings' and is determined not to affect his marriage. She also claims that he is doing his role as a responsible husband and father and brings home the bread without fail.
From the above example, we can see that this is a strange relationship. The man has been visiting prostitutes, so he has been violating the rules and norms that are expected of a faithful husband. However, he is seen to be extremely honest and is committed to the marriage. Do you feel this is the reason why this marriage is maintained? However, do you think that the woman is overly dependent on the husband that she is willing to ignore his flaws but if she were in the financial position of Cheryl, she would have broken from him straightaway? I think it is the latter. What about you?
In my opinion, the society we live in is a complex one, with people seeking different goals in a relationship due to their specific needs and wants. With the modernization of the society, we can see social norms and conventions being relaxed.Infidelity would have been viewed as unacceptable and the definite deal breaker in a relationship. In such a case, we are talking about the strict adherence to 'mono-fidelity', being faithful to one partner only. But these days there is such a thing called an 'open-relationship' where infidelity is not frowned upon, but accepted by the other partner. Whilst some do hang on to their relationships due to various reasons, even though they disapprove of infidelity, there are indeed people in the modern society who are open to the idea of infidelity.
ReplyDeleteHmm...interesting comment. However, it is interesting to know to what extent is this open relationship acceptable until. People can still accept even though this relationship is sexually motivated?
ReplyDeleteI do feel sorry for the faithful woman who condones her husband's frequent visitations of prostitutes. That was totally immoral and unjustifiable, and the guy is plain selfish to care only about his own physiological needs.
ReplyDeleteBut however, I feel that celebrity marriages are a totally different ballgame. Like most things in life, marriage is a contract. This contract is signed by two willing individuals who want to share their lives to attain benefits mutually, be it financial, physiological or social benefits. I believe love does not last forever and some of these women are intelligent enough to want to seek a famous,capable or rich husband for sole purposes of financial and social boosts, or even just for the hedonic benefits that come with being hitched to a famous celebrity.
Such men are highly sought after by countless other women as well, and sooner or later, such occurences are bound to happen. True, the guilty men should not be exonerated from bearing any responsibilities pertaining to this matters, and I do not condone such immoral behaviour. But I do not feel sorry for some of these celebrity wives.
I believe that in every situation, there is a need to consider the subject's intention(s). For example, if the bread-winner spouse commits adultery, knowing that he/she has the bargaining power, then that's absolutely wrong. Having said that, I think the partner must be willing to let go of the relationship as it will do a lot more harm than good(if there is any good to talk about in the first place).
ReplyDeleteIf both partners are open to having relationship outside theirs, then I think it is only fair to let them be as that's an agreement they set between themselves and outsiders should never meddle with others' affairs unless permitted.
To top it off, I believe pride and self-love is more important than the money one might have when he/she stays with a partner who commits adultery constantly. At the end of the day, if one cannot love oneself, this person can never be a source of love to others. As the saying goes, "you cannot give what you don't have...".
Therefore, whether the offended has the financial capability to support him/herself, he/she must not be allowed to be humiliated. If one has an adulterous partner, get it right with him/her. If nothing can be done, GET OUT and MOVE ON...!
I feel that she has weighed her pros and cons and she believes that letting her husband have flings is more beneficial to her. Maybe she is really weak in this case that she does not have enough confidence and drive to carry the family on her own.
ReplyDeleteWe may be criticizing her badly, but again, if we compare her situation to some of ours', I do not see any difference. There are many people in this country who would rather do something they do not like than try changing the system or get out. Then, they lie to themselves that "all is fine". However, in reality, they do not have the mentality to solve the problem and struggle on. I think some of us are in the same situation one way or another.
In the biblical context of the sacred Ten Commandments, it was a stark statement” Thou shalt not commit adultery”. With the sin warranting a punishment of stoning.
ReplyDeleteWhy has this supposedly sacred commandment fail so badly in nations that where supposed to hold on to central Christian themes.
It may be as a result of the current trends of people living for what they feel and believe in. This concept of staying faithful is no longer relevant. When one reads about how the soccer team of England is marred by such scandals, one has to wonder is the sexual urge of the soccer players can even supersede the friendship found in a sports team.
Maybe the thoughts and feelings are evolving in our modern context that we cannot look at the seemingly old-fashioned trends of staying faithful to one’s spouse.
However I don’t feel comfortable with such a chain of thought as by losing the notion of faithfulness, we are flippant in our relations with one another. If a sexual relationship could be seen so flippantly, what more a normal friendship. Staying faithful to one’s spouse shows the commitment and efforts both have to take in preserving that sacred bond.
What great satisfaction when a old and loving couple look back at life and realize that they have been faithful and there for each other through all the troubles of life.
For the woman who seemingly allowed her husband to visit prostitutes to satisfy his sexual urge. I am terribly impressed at her openness and her willingness to sacrifice for the happiness of her husband.
ReplyDeleteHowever, here I would like to expound upon a point. Would such a move of sacrifice on her part be a bit too much? The matrimony bed is in a way stained, and the union of a man and a woman in this case is now shared with a prostitute. I wonder if the future sexual encounters between husband and wife would prove to be as fulfilling as before?
Marriage means commitment. There has to be a certain amount of trust between the couple. If the woman who allowed her husband to visit prostitutes trust her husband enough, then I feel that there should be no problems in continuing the relationship.
ReplyDeleteHowever, there are also cases such as "empty" marriage. This mean that the couple does not really have feelings for each other. It is just the wealth or other factors that cause them to stay together.
On the whole, I feel that just by being honest is not enough to sustain a marriage. Being honest may also cause hurt to the other party. Given the current mindset of people in the modern era, If one were to have status, marriage is probably not important to him/her at all.
Should a marriage be judged by the sex that is involved? I feel that a marriage is more a contract of emotional ties than physical ones. Do not get me wrong, I'm not saying that spouses in a marriage may have sexual relations outside marriage, I'm just giving another perspective.
ReplyDeleteAs I've previously mentioned, a marriage should be considered as an emotional contract rather than a physical one. Should a marriage be based on the physical aspect of both partners, I dare say that the marriage would disintegrate once both partners start growing older.
The fact that the husband in your internet article is honest about things shows that he still has feelings for his wife and that his visiting of prostitutes is just an outlet for his sexual desires. And as long as both parties are in a compromise, I think the marriage would continue.
The couple's relationship would be deemed as a strange one, as this isn't the societal norm. However, my personal opinion is that it isn’t wrong. Because for me, a relationship is, and can only be, based on honesty and trust. And what the husband did, it doesn’t betray this. The society sees this as faithlessness, but he has been open to his wife. And she can accept it, for whatever reason she has. It is her own choice, and she and her husband have worked it out. We as outsiders, shouldn’t judge them.
ReplyDeleteMarriage today is considered a financial contract. The party who has a greater financial power has a larger say in the r/s. Just look at the wives of john terry and tiger woods, they were willing to take their husbands back because they were 'nobodies' without their husbands! Unlike cheryl, she has already made a name for herself in the industry, financially she needs no support, and given her looks she can easily find another man equal of better than ashley cole. Then again society today is evloving at such a alarming rate that what is acceptable today may not be so tomorrow. It is thus better not to judge others.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the "other person know information that is confidential. " I think it should mutual trust when secrets and feelings are shared. However, couples do 'share' other things as well , such as you have mentioned - relational rewards. They say that men use power to get ... it on and women get it on with men to get power. I guess that is very true. However there are also people who subscribe to the school of thought - "you can be a bad husband, as long as you are a good father" as well as " do what you want, do not get caught". As you have mentions in your last paragraph.
ReplyDeleteJust my two kents worth.
The cheater should be given a second chance, if he wanted to fool around, he should not have gotten married in the first place. The wives would get a huge sum from the divorce anyway and i'm sure they can survive
ReplyDeletesorry. i meant should not be given a second chance
ReplyDeleteDissolution - it all depends on the couples. It's their decision to make and their choice for the consequences they faced.
ReplyDeleteIn cases like these, the women would be on the losing end. The dependency on the males caused them to give up their rights and tolerate all nonsense the male does. However, we can also argue that there are cases whereby males are more disadvantage. Usually, these cases are rare.
Therefore, the urge for women to give in is higher than males. But consider what happens next? Would the guy gets bolder and thus, making the women life more miserable than usual? Or will he repent? I would choose to believe that repentance hardly happen.
Personally, I feel that a relationship is based on give-and-take, honesty and trust. For some weird reasons, the husband committed such unforgivable acts, but his honesty and bravery in admitting such acts to his wife is 'admirable'. Another reason could be that the wife needs to be financially dependent on her husband, therefore she needs to put up with such acts.
ReplyDelete